Year for Year

by: Delana H. Stewart

In adopting a child and writing about our journey, I have read many wonderful books about adoption, each one giving boy signing, pillowcase signing, Thai boyguidance and encouragement and helpful advice.

The book I am currently reading is “Keys to Parenting an Adopted Child” by Kathy Lancaster. She covers topics such as: what it’s like to be adopted, bonding and attachment, blending families, mixed races, ADHD, and adopting the older child.

parenting, adoption, adopted child, special needs, special needs adoption, woman with girl, teacher with studentOne thing I read today I wish someone had told me five years ago when our daughter joined our family.
“A common rule of thumb is that parents should expect the same number of years to pass for a child to become unadjusted to past influences as the child’s age when he entered the home. If you adopt a ten year old, for example, expect it to take approximately ten years to balance past influences.”

Our daughter had just turned 6 when she entered our home, and she has been with us for over 5 years now. Ms. Lancaster’s comment rings true in our situation. While our daughter has made incredible adjustments and developments each and every year, she is so much more adjusted now then ever before.

If you are in the process of adopting an older child (whether 2 or 10), keep this in mind . . . and allow time to work on behavior and development.


While there are definite challenges to adopting an older child, here is a great article on The 7 Best Things About Adopting an Older Child. Written by blogger John M. Simmons.


See also: 5 Pros and Cons for Homeschooling Older Adopted Children

What to Expect the First Year After Adopting

Love and Giving Are In The AirAdoption, Blog, Mommy, Parenting

Of Sheep and Shepherds (Are you struggling parenting your newly adopted child?)

Top Mommy Blogs

Do you need endurance or encouragement for enduring? Click here.


Read more about Nine Year Pregnancy: Waiting on God–Our Journey of Adoption

Order now an autographed copy from the author — or from your favorite online bookstore.


Want to read a fantastic article about helping an older adopted child understand his/her past. It is called: 7 ways to give your child a history by Gregory Keck. The timeline idea (particularly the way they do it) is really neat. But, my favorite is the water pitcher exercise for integrating past and present. If you only have time for a short read, skim down the article to the water exercise.


Adoption Videos on YouTube

Click here to view Delana’s YouTube Channel– Or, click the following for individual videos: Perseverance, Patience, Waiting, and Adoption Reading the Preface to Nine Year Pregnancy Singing “God Will make this trial a blessing” …


10 Questions Adoptive Parents Ask – Short video clips by Dr. Karyn Purvis, author of The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family. The 10 clips address these issues:

1. How Do I Handle Manipulation & Control?
2. Will Trust-Based Parenting Work for My Child?
3. Why Won’t My Child Act His Age?
4. How Do I Handle Lying?
5. How Do I Find the Right Professional To Help Us?
6. Should I Parent My Adopted Child Differently Than Birth Children?
7. How Long Do I Have to Parent This Way?
8. Is It Adoption Related or Not?
9. Will Trust-Based Parenting Prepare My Child for the Real World?
10. How Can I Be Fair?

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Delana H. Stewart –“Somewhere between middle school and grown-up life, someone peeled me off the wallpaper and I began to bloom.”

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20 thoughts on “Year for Year

  1. Our daughter was 22 months old when we came home and turned 2 just 2 months after. She still struggles with her language development and I always wondered if it was something within her, or something that might be more like what you’ve posted about the author’s comments in her book.

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