A Physical and Emotional Miscarriage

A friend of mine faced a failed adoption. She had not only seen pictures of her child, but she had held her in her arms, smelled her, cuddled her, rocked her. What she experienced emotionally could easily be compared to the grief faced in a mid-to-late term miscarriage. Facing closed doors on an adoption journey is painful. The grief experienced is not unlike the grief experienced in a miscarriage or even in the death of a newborn. Recently, my newest grandson was born at 20 weeks, lived 34 minutes, then died. I understand grief and loss.

In Nine Year Pregnancy: Waiting on God–Our Journey of Adoption, I wrote about how the conception of adoption took waiting, hoping, praying, girl boy cat statue, boy and girl waiting, boy and girl watching, boy and girl at window, statue in window, boy and girl looking at sky, grief, loss, miscarriage, adoption, adopteesplace in our hearts and minds. In Chapter two, I said:

“Knowing that God would bring a particular child into our lives would be the comfort and strength needed to help us through the challenges we would surely face. Nonetheless, I felt so ready, so expectant. I might as well have been pregnant because in my mind I knew God had given me this vision, had implanted it in my heart and would bring it to full term.” (Nine Year Pregnancy, p. 10)

Over a year ago, I read the book Fueled by Faith by Jennifer Kennedy Dean. I wish she had written the book earlier and that someone would have given it to me a decade ago when we wondered what God was up to! In her book, Jennifer talks a lot about visions given to us by God, and she compares them to conception and pregnancy. She says:

“When the vision has reached the right developmental stage, nothing can hold it back. Until that time, nothing can bring it forth. My advice is this: Don’t push before it’s time.” (Fueled by Faith, p. 108)

carpet, rugs, weaving, thread, wool

Some times I felt like the vision had been ripped out of me.

Many days I wanted to push and make something happen. Other days I wanted to quit carrying the vision, abort it, because it was so painful to be in limbo. If you are in limbo waiting on God to answer a prayer in your life, trust Him, cling to Him, lean on Him!

“When God put His promises in you, you will know it. You’ll find that it is woven into your spiritual DNA. You can’t get rid of it. You may become discouraged. You may decide one day not to believe it anymore. But you wake up the next day, and you believe it again in spite of yourself.” (Fueled by Faith, p. 111)


Delana H. Stewart –“Somewhere between middle school and grown-up life, someone peeled me off the wallpaper and I began to bloom.”

See also:

Death Before Life

Thirty-four Minutes

baby feet, miscarriage, birth, loss, grief

 Do you need endurance or encouragement for enduring? Click here.

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2 thoughts on “A Physical and Emotional Miscarriage

  1. Pingback: Where in the World is Nine Year Pregnancy? « Delana's World

  2. Pingback: Letter From Heaven | Delana's World

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